Wherever you have two or more people, you will eventually have conflict. If you are working toward a common goal, and both passionately involved in the process, disagreements will, and should, happen from time to time. If you are having conflict, it tells you a few things. 1. You have differing opinions on whatever the issue of conflict is. It doesn't mean that you hate each other. It doesn't mean that you aren't being "nice". 2. If you truly care about each other and the process you are engaged in, then you deserve honesty from each other as you evaluate each step, each situation. 3. Honestly looking at the situation from both viewpoints will result in clarification of the situation. As you process the disagreement you should be able to be more and more convinced about what the correct action is that you need to take. It may be yours, it may be theirs, it may be a combination. 4. Proper resolution of a conflict should result in the people involved coming closer together. If you truly want the best for each other and the best for the situation you are working through, the end result could be a better solution and a stronger relationship. You are getting to know each other better. If you never disagree, then you are not being honest with each other. 5. Also, if you never disagree, you are never forced to evaluate what you are doing.
Conflict will happen. If you learn to process it well, you will be better off in the end.
If you don't know how to process conflict, then you might want a coach to walk you through it. If the conflict is within your church, then you might want to call someone in who is neutral, who is not part of your church, but is willing to listen and to suggest steps toward a resolution.
I want to help churches continue to move toward health, and then to stay healthy. Conflict resolution is part of the process. If you need a coach, contact me and we can see if there is benefit in me working with you.
Don't be afraid of conflict. Just make sure you process it well.
“Two people who trust and care about one another and are engaged in something important should feel compelled to disagree, and sometimes passionately, if they see things differently.” Patrick Lencioni – The Advantage